Column: That’s a lot of candy

According to an Associated Press story, Americans eat 12,090 pounds of sugar during their life.

12,090 pounds! Wow! That’s roughly equivalent to a male Asian elephant that has just eaten 3,000 pounds of cotton candy, which for your information is highly illegal to feed to an Asian elephant.

12,090 pounds! Yikes! One would have to eat 822,590 tootsie rolls in a lifetime to reach that number. In other words, that person would have to eat 685 tootsie rolls a month for 100 years. And I’m pretty sure he or she would be sucking down those tootsie rolls with a straw for the last 10 years or so.

12,090 pounds! Whoa! A blue whale weighs 330,693 pounds. I weigh 170 pounds. So that means a whale would have to consume 23,518,108 pounds of candy canes just to match the amount of sugar I would have to eat to be an average American.

By this time I’m sure many out there have come to the same conclusion as me.

Bring it on! Candy tastes good!

In fact, the Carnegie Science Center in Pittsburgh has a traveling exhibit called “Candy Unwrapped” that delves into the magical world of candy, sans the crazy man with the top hat, cane and resemblance to Johnny Depp.

Sponsored by the Jelly Belly Candy Co., “Candy Unwrapped” explores the science of the sugary delights we put in our bodies. I can’t think of a better sponsor than a sugar peddler to teach young ones about candy. Let’s leave the authoritarian American Dental Association out of it.

Seriously. Leave the ADA out of it. An apple a day may keep the doctor away, but a caramel apple a day brings a smile to my face. Smile on my face wins.

The exhibit features a number of cool components including the Taste Bud Tango, Romancing the Bean and Crystal Mountain. The Taste Bud Tango is the most likely to get me in a car driving to Pittsburgh since it involves bouncing around on a giant tongue. I’ve always wanted to jump on a giant tongue before I die. Some people want to see the world. I want to jump on a giant tongue.

Romancing the Bean sounds cool too. It includes a quiz that finds out whether chocolate makes you feel romantic. I don’t even need to take the quiz. Baby, the quickest way to my heart is a Hershey kiss.

And then there’s the Crystal Mountain – a learning tool that combines sugar crystals with rock climbing. How cool! Essentially, people can lick the objects they’re climbing on. On second thought, that’s really gross.

The traveling exhibit won’t be in the Midwest until 2007 when it comes to the Cranbrook Science Institute of Science in Michigan. But when it gets here, I’ll be ready. I still have about 9,000 pounds of sugar to go.

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One comment on “Column: That’s a lot of candy

  1. Anonymous says:

    Joe- you sucked at IU. You still suck. I’m not sure who is telling you that you can write. You can’t.

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