Column: Beware Miss Iceland

I think we need to be significantly more worried about Miss Iceland beginning her year-long reign as Miss World than we are.

Seriously, have we learned nothing from the new movie and C.S. Lewis’ classic book “The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe”?

Ice queen = badness.

It’s as simple as that.

Unnur Birna Vilhjalmsdottir may seem like a nice girl at first sight. She has soft eyes and claims she wants world peace. But if you rearrange the letters in her name, they spell Jadis, the name of the evil ice queen that brought 100 years of winter to Narnia. They also spell about 300,000 other words, but that’s beside the point.

Vilhjalmsdottir is a tricky one. She pretended to be surprised at the outcome so no one could guess her evil plans once she became Miss World.

“It came as a big shock, but the feeling is incredible — I am numb,” Vilhjalmsdottir said.

Numb. Just like those who oppose her and are turned into stone.

“I did not hear my name at first,” she continued. “I just heard it echo around the room. I only knew it was me because nobody else moved.”

Which is what tends to happen once you’ve turned the entire audience, the judges and the other competitors, into stone.

As further evidence of her dastardly future, Vilhjalmsdottir is studying law and anthropology. Did you hear that? She wants to be a lawyer and is interested in dead stuff. Double your evil. Double your fun.

In “The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe,” Jadis the Ice Queen is the epitome of evil. She has an army of werewolves, giants, black dwarves, Minotaurs and creatures that look disturbingly like the monsters in “Fraggle Rock.”

While Unnur the Ice Queen may not have werewolves or Minotaurs to back her up, she will be able to raise up an army of fellow lawyers, pro wrestlers and former reality television stars to do her evil bidding. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather face the “Fraggle Rock” monsters.

And then there’s this nasty, snowy weather we’ve been having lately. Don’t tell me you blame it on global warming. Global warming, shmobal warming. There’s a cold front on the way and its name is Unnur Birna Vilhjalmsdottir.

So don’t be expecting this snow to melt away soon. We’ll be lucky if she even lets us have a Christmas. But if the “The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe” has taught us anything, it has taught us that there is always hope, even when it seems like everything is going against us.

But in the meantime, prepare for a harsher-than-usual winter.


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