Column: Basketball rims and horsepower

It’s time to go car shopping again. Blech.

I’m not a big fan of motor vehicles. I do love that they take me places much faster than walking or horse-drawn wagon, but I hate paying for gas, how they always break down at the worst time, contributing to the destruction of the environment, and, of course, the change-eating space under the seats.

They are a necessary evil, though. And it’s time for me to buy a new one, seeing as how my last car went into early retirement.

That means this Saturday I have to go to various dealerships looking for the next expensive piece of equipment that will carry me around for the next five years or so (I hope).

I just don’t like shopping for cars. It’s not that I necessarily have bad experiences at dealerships. Generally, the salespeople are all incredibly pleasant and helpful and coffee-giving. It’s just that I don’t know what they’re talking about most of the time.

“Are you looking for a four-cylinder or six-cylinder engine?”

“How much horsepower are you looking for?”

“What kind of rims do you like?”

I have no idea how to respond to any of these questions. But I can’t tell them that because I don’t want them to know that I know as little about cars as I do.

So I make up stuff such as:

“How about something in the middle. A five-cylinder engine? Or do those not exist?”

“I like horses. They are pretty powerful.”

“Basketball.”

Sometimes they laugh, but it’s more of a pity laugh than a funny laugh.

It’s time to go car shopping again. Blech.

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